sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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