From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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