it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
