It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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