do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
