Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
