.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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