Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
