Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
