In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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