If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
