1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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