Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
