the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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