my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
