U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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