Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
