Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
