When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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