I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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