So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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