hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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