I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
