her vagine was all disorganized.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
