I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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