i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
