Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
