you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Randomize
