You just made me feel so damn special
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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