Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
