Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
