I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
