we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry about my life...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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