i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
