Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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