Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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