I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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