so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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