So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
