it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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