South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
