I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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