apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
