yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fuck appropriateness.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
