good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
