i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
