too bad you live with your parents still
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
