she kept yelling 'call me bella'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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