Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
