Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
