I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
