What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
